


miss you terribly

by StephanieWritesFanfic



Category: Anne of Green Gables (TV 1985) & Related Fandoms, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst, Anne with an E - Freeform, Anne x Gilbert, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Love, Non-Graphic Smut, Shirbert, Teenager, awae season 4, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25981255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephanieWritesFanfic/pseuds/StephanieWritesFanfic
Summary: Now that Gilbert Blythe has told Anne Shirley Cuthbert about his irrevocable and profound love for her, all they have to do it wait 2 years apart before beginning their lives together.But love, jealousy and lust has its way of sneaking into people's mind and poison it. Pushing people to say and do things they wouldn't do...With school and opportunities, distance and the pression of family, friends and all of Avonlea, can Anne and Gilbert's relationship survive?It would remains to be seen.-in which I write what I think season 4 of Anne with an E could’ve be-
Relationships: Anne x Gilbert - Relationship, Shirbert - Relationship, gilbert x anne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this story. Please be mindful of any grammatical errors as English is not my first language. Constructive criticism is always welcome :)

Anne knew that what had happened between her and Gilbert Blythe would be a total choc for the girls. Knowing them, she already knew that she would end up with countless questions, and although she was not worried about the imminent interrogation, what stressed her the most was Ruby’s reaction. 

Ruby, completely in love with Gilbert ever since ever, three years before Anne even set foot in green Gables! As Josie had say then (or was it Tilly?) : Ruby had dibs. 

But did she really, though? After all, Gil never showed any interest in Ruby, let alone spoke to her directly! How was Anne supposed to stay away from a situation when they were no situations to be staying away from? 

Sitting at her new desk, Anne let go of a exasperated groan while taking her head between her hands. She would have loved to know what to do, without having to think more about it. 

In the corner of her eye, she can see her new book. Marilla and Matthew didn’t stay long, just enough to show her the last of her Scottish heritage that still remained, except for herself, obviously.

In silence - Diana was sleeping after all- anne took the book slowly and opened it to her favourite page. The autoportrait of her mother - drawn by her father, maybe?- drawn in fine pencil with soft gentle colour, creating this sort of halo around her mother. A peaceful smile appear on Anne’s lips. All these years doubting, terribly sure that she was not beautiful, or not beautiful enough… how could she ever doubt her own beauty, when she looked so perfectly to her mom?

  
  


Anne takes a piece of paper, ink ready. A last look to her mother and she start writing. 

  
  


**_Dear Gilbert_** ** _-_** Anne might have been confused right now, but she knew who she needed to talk to **-**

**_I look like my mother._ **

**_I always excruciatingly hated my red hair. Devilish colour, I was sure no one would ever be able to love me as long as I had this on my head. (Did you know that, while you were away, I tried to dye my hair? The disaster when they turned green and i had to cut them so short…but that you saw me, with those boyish hair and then it grew and i had those terrible bangs… anyway)_ **

**_My mother was a redhead, just like I am. See, shortly after you left, Matthew and Marilla arrived with a book. Earlier on, they had visited a woman that knew my parents! Who would have thought, after all these years, remains of the past would still be kept? This woman knew my mother and father! She heard their voices, talked to them… what a lucky one she is._ **

**_It’s such a beautiful book, Gilbert! All full of wonderful images of nature, plants and flowers. I'm sure they could be of use to you in the medical field. In it, my father drew a portrait of my mother on one of the empty pages. She was such a beautiful woman._ **

**_Bertha and Walter Shirley were my parents. It feels so good to know a little bit more about them..._ **

**_Although, I still wonder if that will be enough? Will it ever be? Knowing what you know of your mother, is it enough for you? Do you wish more?_ **

**_I still believe in them, all while being eternally grateful for the Cuthbert. I stay conflicted, a part of myself wishing to have my parents by my side, while the other part could not imagine my life without Marilla or Matthew. Had i not set foot in Green Gables, had the Cutbert not welcomed me into their home and made me theirs, who knows where i would be right now. I would never have met my Diana, my dear Diana. I would never have met you either._ **

**_You._ **

**_I'm impatient to understand what just happened between us. Your engagement to Winnifred did not happened, but you kept quiet. Why? After the ruins, i was so sure you made your choice. I had accepted the inevitable, that you had chosen the beautiful, posed and well positioned in society Winnifred. I thought you had chosen Paris, the Sorbonne. I even wrote you a letter, what happened to it? I take it, from what Diana had the time to explain, that you must have misplaced it._ **

**_I hope you're well settled in Toronto. What does the city looks like? Is it beautiful?_ **

**_Answer me, im waiting for your letter._ **

**_With love,_ **

**_Anne._ **

  
  


She looks at the last words with hesitation. “With love”? What if Gilbert had changed his mind? How could Anne end their fist correspondence between them after their first kiss with “with love”? Was it too early to talk about love with him? A kiss was not a declaration of anything… or was it? 

Anne turns around to look at Diana, peacefully sleeping in her bed across the room. She would have loved to be able to talk to her right now, and almost wake her up. But she doesn’t and shakes her head. No. If Gilbert felt anything else but love, then he wouldn’t have run all across town from the train station to her simply to kiss her. He wouldn’t have risked missing his train for Toronto, not when Toronto means what it means. Nothing would have happened and he certainly would not have kissed her one, two, three times if love was not what he was feeling. 

Sure of herself, Anne gently blows on the paper before folding it in two. On the envelope, she writes Gilbert’s name and hers, direction the dormitories of the University of Toronto. Satisfied, Anne looks one last time in the mirror in front of her and smiles. Her heart is light and warm, and she feels incredibly happy. 

  
  


The light now off, laying under the covers of her bed, Anne falls asleep peacefully. She knows more about her parents, whatever happened with Matthew was now over and Gilbert had kissed her today.

As it turns out to be, she was, in fact, quite a fan of Gilbert Blythe. 


	2. Chapter one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First morning under the Blackmore’s roof. Are the girls ready for it?

The next morning, Mrs Blackmore is responsible to wake up Anne and Diana, to their disappointment. While opening the door with a hard swing, she orders them to get up. Surprised, Anne jumped out of bed, half asleep, but still ready to fight the intruder. 

  * “Mrs Blackmore?” Says Anne, astonished, her eyes still tired and her heart pounding in her chest. The woman of the house analyses Anne from head to toes, then check out Diana, who’s sitting on her bed at the same time. Weirdly, Mrs Blackmore seems to disapprove what she sees, which is even stranger because all she sees are two young girls being abruptly woken up at the early hours of the morning. 



  
  


Standing straight towards Anne, Mrs Blackmore, hands behind her back, let go of a greatly exaggerated sigh before saying :

  * “The young girls living under my roof must always be presentable, miss Cuthbert.” 



  * “At all times?” Questions Anne, giving an understanding look at Diana. Was that woman crazy or something ?



  * “As it was said last night, you are expected to wake up at 6 o’clock sharp every day, except on Saturdays. You must finish your prayer for 6h15 and breakfast is served from 7 o’clock to 7h30.”



  * “It’s almost 6h20, Mrs Blackmore, and we haven't even started college yet.” Begins to say Diana before being quickly interrupted by Blackmore. 



  * “You are still late on schedule, Miss Barry. Maybe you don't mind being late, considering your sudden arrival last night, but here, it is a priority to be on time and to follow all the rules I have made.” She gives a glacial look between the two girls before going on. “Have I made myself clear?” 



  * “Perfectly, Mrs Blackmore.” Agree Anne, politely. Anne knew better than to piss off the one giving you a roof to live under, and since living here at Mrs Blackmore's meant going to Queens, Anne thought best to simply agree with her. Who knows, maybe she would fall under her good side one day.



As abruptly as she came in, Mrs Blackmore left the room rapidly, leaving the door open. Anne, still standing in the middle of the room, looks towards the door with stupefaction. Diana, sitting on her bed, seemed just as surprised. 

The sound of dragging feet can be heard a minute after and Ruby appears in the door frame, her hair still a mess with small, tired eyes. She clearly has been another victim of Blackmore’s brutal wake up routine, because she looks at her two friends with a desperate look. With her small voice, she says : 

  * “What a way to be woken up!”



Right after, it’s Tillie’s turn to join them. Followed by Josie and Janes, all of the girls stand there, half inside Anne and Diana’s room and the other half still in the hallway. Each one of them are still in their nightgowns and you can still see their pillows on their cheeks. 

Taking the initiative, Anne let herself fall onto her knees, hands already praying. Eyes closed, she says : 

  * “I pray we survive Mrs Blackmore, amen” and as quickly as she got down, Anne is already back on her feet, a smile on her mouth. 



  * “Amen.” Whisper Josie before leaving the room for hers, followed by Jane, who also whisper a soft “amen” on her way out. 



Ruby and Tillie look at each other before doing the sign of the cross with their hands, leaving Anne and Diana in their rooms for theirs. 

Diana finally gets up and join Anne in the middle of the room. She doesn’t get on her knees nor does she sign the cross. Rather than that, she takes Anne’s hand in hers, close her eyes et lift her chin to the ceiling, to the sky, to god, and say out loud : 

  * “I pray we survive this whole year, amen” when her prayer is over, she opens her eyes, squeeze Anne’s hand before letting it go and smile. 



  * “We should get dressed” propose Anne while walking in direction of her dresser. Diana, already at the door, stop in motion. “Get dressed, of course” she whispered to herself before finally closing the door and walking towards her own dresser. 



When the girls are all in the dining room, Mrs Blackmore is sitting at the end of the table and behind her is standing Lily, the young maid. Already set, the table is simply waiting for the young girls to sit.

  
  


  * “Wait!” Exclaims Blackmore, almost offended. “Young ladies wait before sitting, otherwise it is impolite.” 



Giving to each other looks of incomprehension, Anne, Diana, Ruby, Tillie, Josie and Jane all stand up awkwardly around the table, without saying a word. In the corner of their eyes, they look at Mrs Blackmore and wait for whatever autorisation they are supposed to wait for. 

Slowly, she signals to the girls they can sit with a gentle movement of hand. 

Unsure of what they can and cannot do, nobody dares take anything on the table. It’s Anne who, to the relief of the girls, takes initiative. 

  * “Do we have to wait for you to eat ?” She ask, this tint of impatience in her voice, but still, she sounds polite enough. 



  * “You certainly do not have to.” Answers Mrs Blackmore, as if this was more than common knowledge. As if she had not let them stand awkwardly in front of the table just to sit a minute before. 



Even so, nobody dares to touch anything, except Mrs Blackmore, who’s eating her breakfast without a thought or a look at the girls. For the third time in almost an hour, it’s Anne who initiates and takes a piece of bread that she butter in silence. All that you can hear at the table are the sound of Mrs Blackmore’s eating as long as the fork and knife brushing the plate. 

Under the table, Anne gives a subtle and soft kick to Diana’s leg, since she's sitting in front of her. With her head, she tells her to eat and it's with hesitation that she also takes a piece of bread. Slowly, although the tension in the room is very much still present, the girls start to eat and drink. Breakfast goes one slowly, almost soundless, but the girls all survive it. 

When Mrs Blackmore is done with her breakfast, she gets up without a word while Lily takes her plate and leaves the room with it. For just a moment, the six girls are finally, completely alone. They all explode into one big chaos of protest. 

  * “ What in the world is this?” Ask Jane, hands on the table, almost up. 



  * “My father will hear about this!” Exclaimed Josie, talking more to herself than to anybody. 



  * “Should we run for our lives?” Wonders Tillie, panic in her voice.



  * “I don't want to go to queens anymore!” Cry out Ruby.



  * “Enough!” Interrupts Anne. “I will admit it, this is not what I expected. But once we are outside, or in our rooms, the six of us… it will be great!” She smiles, trying to sound optimistic. “And Queens will be good, I just know it.” 



  * “Anne is right.” Follows Diana. “ Besides, Mrs Blackmore might not be so bad once we know her and once she knows us. We can’t let our first impression tarnish the rest of the year.” 



The girls seemed to calm down to Diana’s word, but then, Ruby says with a very serious face : 

  * “But what if it is not tarnishing the rest of the year, but rather a premonition of what is to come?” 



  * “Oh, Good Lord, Ruby…” exasperation comes out of Josie’s mouth as she says that. It doesn’t happen very often, but for once, Anne agrees with Josie. Ruby’s clearly overreacting to Mrs Blackmore, because she's used to something else. Anne, on the other hand, had been under the care of far more worst and thought that, even as unpromising this seemed to be, their year under Blackmore’s roof would not be their worst. 



Ruby wants to add something, but Lily comes back to her initial position in the room. Even though she’s deaf, none of the girls wants to make a sound. Hovering over Blackmore’s empty seat, the young maid looked like she would report everything back at the end of the day. Had they been in another scenario, they would’ve befriended her, because she did look nice. But for now, she scarred them in a way they can't quite explain. 

With understanding looks, they remain silent while eating. They would have the rest of the day. 

At the end of breakfast, they all get up and leave to their room, giggling. Anne stays behind, and follows Lily to the kitchen. Of course, the maid doesn’t hear her and Anne, without any experience with deaf people, don't think much about the fact that when she will turn around, Lily will definitely be spooked by her. 

Because she is. Turning around, Lily jumped and closed her eyes, hands on chest, when she saw Anne right behind. Ashamed, Anne realized this wasn’t her brightest idea. When Lily opens her eyes again to look at her, Anne mouth a slow “sorry.” 

  * “ I can read lips perfectly fine, no need to articulate that much” says Lily with impatience, probably due to the scare she just got through. 



  * “Of course” says Anne, guilty. She put a hand in one of her pocket and gets out the letter for Gilbert. “I was wondering if you could put this in the mail? I’m not quite sure how this work here.” Ask Anne, not slowly, and not over articulating again, but she does make sure to always look at Lily when speaking and not to use too many words at the same time. Anne is more than away that she tends to speak long sentences, and if hearing people can get dizzy listening to her, she couldn’t even begin to wonder what would be Lily’s reaction. 



  * “Of course, I will send it right away,” she says with a smile. “And you were right, I am the one in charge of mail.” Adds Lily while Anne gives her the letter. 



  * “Thank you.” 



  * “Thank you” repeated Lily, but with a movement of hand going from her chin into a straight line. Anne had just learned her first word in sign language. 



  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are your thoughts so far?


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Night before their first day of school at Queens, the girls are scarred and worried.

Mrs Blackmore would never wake up the girls ever again, they were determined about it. If they had to wake up at such crazy hours every day, they would do it without a heart attack. Breakfast still went on in this weird and heavy silence, but beside that, life under Blackmore’s home was coming off great. 

The girls would spend their free time in each other’s rooms, they would read outside (mainly Anne and Diana) and they would have the permission to take walks in the neighborhood, under the conditions of always being in each other’s presence and always,  _ always  _ when it was sunny outside. Young girls had no business going out after dark. 

It took them a weekend for the six Avonlea girls to be now accustomed to their new life. However, you could still feel the anxiety in each of them on Sunday night, as their first day at Queens college was the very next morning. 

It's with anticipation that they went to bed that night. In each room, each bed, Anne, Diana, Tillie, Ruby, Jane and Josie all lay there, eyes open fixing the ceiling. The only light in the room was coming from the moon by the window and all you could hear was their anxious breath. 

On the other side of the bedroom, Diana sat down on her bed. 

\- “Everything will be alright, won’t it be, Anne?” 

  
  


Anne got up on her elbows and let go of a big sigh. 

\- “It should be.” She says, clearly more worried than hopeful. 

The lack of adjectives from her best friend worried Diana. Since it wasn’t really “Anne” to say this little, she frowns her eyebrows and ask her : 

\- “Are you alright?” Now that she thought about it, Anne had not spoken much these past 3 days. A flash of guilt, Diana stands steady on her bed, watching Anne. 

Her best friend let herself fall back onto her pillow. “This new door is opening to me and it is like starting from the bottom all over again.” She begins, playing with her hair. “ Our lives are right out of this door, our future is standing still in a classroom at Queens and is waiting for us, impatiently.” 

\- “It’s not like we’re not ready for it.” Reply Diana. 

\- “But are we?” Questions Anne, hands in the air. “What if we jumped into this without thinking? What if this is not the right path for us? What if we want Queens, but Queens doesn’t like us or want us anymore? We were good weeks ago, on paper, in their imagination. In their head, we were worthy of them! But what happens when we go and they get to know us? Maybe they won't like it much and this will be all over!” 

\- “I’m glad one of us is keeping her calm in this…” says Diana with sarcasm. 

Anne let half a smile and a repressed laugh out of her mouth. It's her turn to sit down on her bed, facing her friend across the room. Avoiding eye contact, Anne plays with the cover of her bed and then says : 

\- “What if I’m not good enough?” She wonders. 

Diana has this feeling they’re not entirely talking about Queens. After all, Anne was such a talented and eager to learn student. Everyone knew she would do great in school, even Anne herself, even though she was feeling stressed out right now. Academically speaking, Anne had doubted herself younger, but no longer now. 

\- “Good enough?” Ask again Diana. “ Anne, why do I get the impression we are not really talking about Queens?” 

She lets go of a big sigh before brushing her face with her hands. Anne is both tired and stressed and shes wondering if right now is not the time to sleep instead of talking about this. But Diana is looking at her with such kind eyes and she knows she’ll feel better once this is out of her chest. 

\- “I wrote to Gilbert.” She quickly says. 

Squeaking with a big smile, Diana gets up and almost runs to Anne on her bed. 

\- “Tell me everything!” She begs. 

After Gilbert’s departure, all Diana told Anne was the very basics of what she had learned herself that day : Gilbert never got her letter, he wrote her one (That Anne knew as she was the one responsible for its destruction) and that he ran to her as soon as he learned she had feelings for him. 

Other than that, the two best friends did not have the chance nor the opportunity to openly discuss this particular topic. Gilbert was still a secret to the other girls, and Diana was more than aware how important it was to make sure Ruby had no idea about this, at least not now. 

So she kept to herself all the mixed feelings accumulated inside her chest and waited and kept on waiting. But nobody else but Diana, her best friend in this world, was listening. There would be no interruption from anybody and she would listen, gladly and openly… 

\- “I wrote to him…” she begins to say 

\- “About the kiss, obviously.” Interrupts Diana, nodding. 

For once, Anne smiles shyly and nods too. “Yes, about  _ that _ . I tried to keep it formal, and I talked about my book, my parents, but I ended up asking all about Winifred and his relationship with her” 

\- “But Gilbert was never engaged to Winifred.” Diana says, confused. 

\- “But he  _ thought _ about it, didn't he?” Ask a worried Anne, frowning at her best friend, wondering if she would live up to Gilbert’s expectations and what exactly were those expectations. 

\- “Are you saying you think Gilbert Blythe wants to… marry you?” 

\- “Maybe not to me, but maybe he  _ is _ thinking about marriage.” She mutters as an answer, looking down now, a little bit ashamed of what she's saying. 

A soft and honest laugh comes out of Diana, whose face lift up with a loving smile. She takes Anne’s hands in her and says :

\- “Anne, please don’t get me wrong, but you could not be more far from the truth.” 

Quickly, Anne take her hands away from Diana and exclaimed with anger : 

\- “I beg your pardon?” 

\- “If Gilbert wanted to get married, he would have asked Winifred. He wouldn’t have run across town to kiss you.” 

\- “What’s that supposed to mean?” Anne was even more insulted now. Was Diana saying Anne wasn’t beautiful enough to be worthy of marriage? Was Winifred more beautiful than she was? Did Gilbert make a mistake by not proposing to her?

\- “I told you not to take it wrong!” Says Diana, half a smile on her face. After all this time, she knew how to deal with her, “Anne, I love you, and you are more than beautiful, but you are  _ not  _ the kind of girl who gets married at 17. You simply are not, everybody who spends an hour with you can guess it and Gilbert Blythe, out of everybody, knows it just as much as I do.” She finish it off by shrugging, a smirk on her lips. 

\- “Then why kiss me?What does he wants?” 

\- “Why did you kissed him?” 

\- “Because I love him.” 

\- “I think it is safe to say that his answer would be the same as yours. Gilbert kissed you, not because he wants to marry you right now, but because he’s probably been thinking about kissing you for years now and he finally can!” 

She takes back Anne’s hand into her and gives a warm squeeze, smiling. 

\- “Anne, I don’t think you need to worry about anything regarding Gilbert.” Diana gives an exhausted look at the school books on the desk next to them. “What you need to worry about right now is that scary big future waiting for us that you just talked about.” There’s a scary look in Diana’s eye that Anne simply cannot ignore. 

Compassionately, she gives her best friend a hug, holding her a little bit longer than usual. Neither of them moves away, but rather stay close to one another, embracing this warm and familiar feeling of safety they both feel right there. 

Their moment is interrupted when their door slightly opens, letting the light of a small candle go through. Both Anne and Diana freeze, worried it might be Mrs Blackmore, ready to speak some into them about curfew, even inside their room, and how inappropriate it was to be this close with another woman in a bed while wearing nightgowns. 

Instead, it’s Ruby’s little voice they hear and soon the door opens a little more and they see their friend’s worried eyes, silently begging for approval to get in. 

Diana tells her to get in, waving in. In total silence, their door opens and Ruby gets in, alongside Tillie, Jane and even Josie. 

Had she been sure nobody would hear her, Anne would’ve laughed at this scene. Our heroine gets up on her feet, for once in her life her hair is loose on her shoulder. They must be as silent as possible, they all know it. But Anne’s not worried, she’s quite an expert in the art of sneaking around a house where you don't want to wake up anybody. 

Her feet gently touching the ground, she bypass two of her friends to get to her door room. Anne looks in the hallway, making sure nobody was there, and then close it without making any sounds. Still as silent as before, she comes back to her friends, where she takes the candle out of Ruby’s hands. 

\- “Sit down, m’ladies” she whispers, almost teasing while doing half of a curtsy. 

Anne put down the candlestick on the ground and sat in front of it. Diana and the other girls follow her example and fast enough, the six friends are sitting in a circle right in the middle of the room. It’s nothing compared to the ruins and would certainly not ever compete with the ritual they once did in the forest, but considering the circumstances of their situation, the white candle facing them would have to do the job. 

\- “Here” she says while giving her hand to Diana and Ruby, showing everybody to follow her. She closes her eyes. 

For about a whole minute, the six of them sit still, hands in each other’s and their eyes closed. They don't realize it, but their breathing is now in sync, controlled and calmed.The candle isn’t strong enough to do so, but with their eyes closed, they all could swear they were feeling its heat, strong and reassuring heat. 

The Avonlea girls are sharing one powerful moment on the floor in Anne and Diana’s room, no doubt to it. Few words were spoken the rest of the night, and when they all woke up the next morning, covers and pillows on the floor with them, their bodies were a little sore from the hard wood of the floor, but other than that, their minds were completely calm. Whatever this future was, it was waiting at Queens, and they were no longer afraid of it. They would do it, like others had, and they would do it together. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Check out my other work “Close your eyes and feel me” a Sanditon fan fiction where I write what I think season 2 could’ve looked like :)


End file.
